I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
