It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
