You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
