They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
