highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
