its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Screwed.edu
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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