omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
God I need to hump something, right now.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
