I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
