That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
