I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
