conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
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I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
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I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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