i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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