He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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