you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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