I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
