dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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