Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
