I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
