so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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