she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
