He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
