lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
