I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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