put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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