It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
