She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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