your parents love me but you hate me
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
