he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
