I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
