I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
