just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
