I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
