The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
