I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
