you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
