i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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