last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
