wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
