id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
