She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
