I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
