she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
