Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
