a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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