i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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