Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize