I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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