i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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