I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
