I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
