I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
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Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
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He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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