i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
