She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
