I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
