Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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