i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
