i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize