just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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