I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I think I sprained my soul last night
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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