I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.