i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..