dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem