Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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