The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
