seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My pussy is not your playground.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
