he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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