I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
