You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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