I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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