Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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