Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
