Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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